"I have never stopped loving you"
It felt like he was really speaking to me. Like he has always heard my prayers. I felt so loved, so warm like nothing could ever hurt me again.
I started the mission thinking of how I could help them,
but I ended the mission thinking of how much they have helped me.
Joan
It's been awhile. So many things have happened. I don't rightly know where to start. I realised that I can't seem to remember anything that happened before chiang rai. It was like my life before chiang rai somehow got wiped out from my memory, as if it didn't have enough significance for me to remember it. In some way it is true. After chiang rai, everything seems to have been put into perspective for me. Personality wise I haven't seem to change much, but deep inside I can feel like something has shifted. It's the kind of change where you seem to do and see things in a whole new perspective, as if I've suddenly become aware of everything around me and living life a little more conscious that before. Have I spent 15 years of my life asleep? Because it definitely feels like it. I can't really describe this change, but it feels good. It's like I'm more alive.
After chiang rai was council camp. Physically I was extremely tired, but emotionally I somehow felt awake. I could get through the day with 4 hours of sleep, which is by far amazing for me because for those who know me, I sleep alot. I could get through the day with a smile, without snapping at someone. I don't know how I did it but somehow I did. I kinda died on the last day though. I could actually feel my body shutting down. Like if i sat down for awhile, i would've fallen asleep, but I pulled through with loads of encouragement from the exco. Sigh, I really don't know what I'd be without them. I've seen them everyday since school ended, their like my new family. I love them:)
LOOK! I DREW NEMO:D
I effing hate her. I wish that she would just fall off a building right now. I swear, no one would miss her. She's such an effing ignorant, fugly a*shole. Can't she see the trend? Every class that she has taught since the cursed day she effing stepped foot into this school, has failed in all aspect of the subject. Then, miraculously attained an A for O levels because of the miracle known as "a good teacher". I mean is she freakin blind. Can't she just resign and save the rest of the generations from retardation of the mind. Is she that ignorant? I guess she's too freakin caught up in her own little world to notice the massive damage she's causing to generations of pupils that unfortunately fall victim to her terrible teaching. I don't even care if she reads this, no, I hope she does read this so she can freakin wake up her idea. But, no I don't think she even cares. I just want to put her in a barrel and roll her down a long flight of stairs then take her out and pour concentrated sulfuric, hydrochloric and nitric acid on her face. And if I'm up to it, I'll shave all her hair off, down to the roots. Then, send her to the hospital so she'll live to feel the pain. Yes, that would indeed be satisfying. I don't care if I sound like a freakin maniac, just know that it's all because of her. I want her hurt and full of pain.
One day she'll die and everyone will know it's me. but I don't care anymore. She's just too full of sh*t to roam this planet. Tomorrow, if she comes into class, I have a plan all ready for execution. So watch out....
Hey, I realised that I haven't posted in awhile. Sigh, I guess I've been caught up with the whirlwind that is my life. Lots of things have happened since I last posted. Like student leaders investiture, teachers' day celebrations and many other stuff. I feel like I've not really been myself lately. I mean I am still me but somehow it feels a little umcomfortable sometimes. I think I'm going backwards. Instead of becoming more mature, I think I've become more immature. I often find myself getting irritated at very small things, it's not like I want to but sometime I just do. And then, I have to go through the entire internal conflict with myself to rationalise with myself and try not to be an immature brat. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's a mid-life crisis and I'm going to die at 30. Sigh, I really don't know. Just to make matters worst, exams are coming. I'm going through the motion and studying but I know nothing is going in. There's so many wrongs that I have to make right, that I don't even know where to start.
Just recently, I found out the word/words that trigger and unleash all the fury I try so hard to keep in. If you watched Hancock then you would understand what I'm talking about. You know when people call Hancock an "asshole" he gets really annoyed and punches the living daylights out of that person? yup, that the feeling I get when someone tells me to "go away". I think those words trigger something deep inside me that should never be know or seen to anyone. I don't even think that the magnitude of the rage, frustration, anger, hurt and fury that is unleashed when i person says "go away" is even human. My guess is that it's just all the pent up emotions that I've put away somewhere deep inside me. But I can't be sure. Sigh, I really hate those words. Not sure why, but I just do. I don't think I can take to rejection. Ok, now the whole world knows my weakness and can use it against me, great. Just great.
